So let's talk...

[A-RokzStalker]

Let's talk marriage and friendships.

I've had this little debate in my head this week.

Is it okay for married people to have friends of the opposite sex? If so, what boundaries should they have? Are there exceptions? What happens with friendships of the opposite sex when you get married? Does the friendship change? Do you have to treat them differently? And also, do friends of the opposite sex have to be "friends of the family"?

One more thing: If being too close to a friend of the opposite sex is considered emotional cheating, then would that not be the same case with friends of the same sex in the sense that you are not trusting and relying on your significant other as much as you should be?

Please discuss. I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on the matter. (too bad we don't have any guys around to get their point of view as well...)

[Julie]

I think it's okay to still have friends of the opposite sex when you're married, but of course, it depends on the people and situation. If the friendship is mutually platonic, then I don't see a problem. If there's flirtation or sexual tension in the friendship, even if it's one-sided, that could be a problem.

It's really a trust issue between the spouses, too. Does one spouse trust the other when he/she says they're "just friends"? If the answer is no, is there a reason there's not that level of trust?

As far as emotional cheating goes, I do think it's different when it's two people of the opposite sex, vs. two people of the same sex (assuming we're talking about straight people). If you're a straight woman, you're not going to cheat on your husband with a girlfriend. But you could end up cheating on him with a guy friend that becomes more than a friend. Also, you expect women to confide in their girlfriends about some things that they wouldn't necessarily talk with their husbands about... you know, "girl talk." But it's kind of weird that a woman would tell a guy friend something she wouldn't tell her husband. Makes you wonder, anyway...

[Kat]

I'm not married, but been with BF for 6 years, so it's probably as close as i'll ever get considering I dont want to get married lol

That being said, most of my good friends are guys. Always have been, I find most girls annoying and too desperate for drama. Some of my best guy friends are also ex's...and i've never felt like I was doing anything wrong by hanging out with them. My boyfriend and I dont have a whole lot in common when it comes to interests, so when I want to go see a movie or I want to go out and play pool and drink some beer, I call my friends.

He's the same way, though his friends are mostly male..but if they were female, it wouldnt bother me. If you dont trust the person you're with, then I dont really see a point in being with them.

If a person is going to cheat, theyre going to do it one way or another. Whether it's with a friend or someone they meet at a bar, once a person has "decided" (I dont like the way that word sounds, but i dont know how else to describe it) that theyre not being fulfilled in whatever way and that it's okay to seek it elsewhere, it's just a matter of time before they find someone, friend or not, to do it with. Then again, some peoples definition of cheating is different than others...

I personally cant imagine there being one person in the world who could fulfill my every need. So I dont consider it cheating to talk to my friends (male or female) about things that I wouldnt discuss with my boyfriend, because theres just certain things I dont agree with him on, or I dont really want his input.

[A-RokzStalker]

Okay so you both think it's fine to have friends of the opposite sex.

Should a married person being hanging out alone with friends of the opposite sex?

I have a friend who thinks that married couples can only have friends of the opposite sex if that friend is a "friend of the family." And that they can't hang out alone or practically even text. She was like, "If my husband was texting a girl for no particular reason, then I would be pretty skeptical. It's not okay."

[Kat]

That person clearly has trust issues..

My boyfriends best friend's ex litterally did NOT want him hanging out here while they were together because I was here, even though he was here hanging out with my boyfriend and i just happened to be in the same house, not even doing anything with them. She used to accuse him of sleeping with me whenever he got home from hanging out with bf.

Some people are very insecure..usually it's more an issue with themselves and not with the actual situation..

[ritz]

I have been married for 8 years and I say it's ok to have friends of the opposite sex. I do have a lot, and my husbands have girl friends as well. Your friendship with the opposite should not change once you get married (but I'd be honest that it took me a while before I learned this, lol )

Well my husband trust some of my guy friends, and he don't trust the others. I hang out more with those that he trusts just to avoid problems and misunderstandings, but doesn't mean I don't keep in touch with those he doesn't trust.

When it comes to his girl friends, I am not jealous of them. Or let's say I always trust my woman's instinct and always knew who should I be jealous of. I am not proud to say this but I have been cheated on, and during that time my insticnt was correct. The first time he said her name, I knew right away that the girl should NOT be trusted.

[A-RokzStalker]

I feel like it mainly just depends on the couple. If your spouse prefers that you don't hang out alone with friends of the opposite sex, then don't. But it should be a discussion. As long as it's not a control issue then I think it's okay for spouses to kind of set boundaries for each other.

[ritz2204]

I completely agree because if hanging out with one specific friend cause too much fight and misunderstanding, why always do it? Talk to your spouse, ask him/her why he/she doesn't want you hanging out with that person and you may be surprised that you might actually understand him/her.